Day 15 Of Elected Family Isolation – To Protect My Tribe
So, it’s finally happened. The stuff of nightmares. The entire world has gone mad and it’s all due to a cold virus….
Ok, not exactly gone mad …. but doesn’t it feel like it, just a little bit?
I’m going to let you into a secret. I’ve been an avid dreamer my whole life. Like, I remember almost every dream I have – my dreams go through stages of being repetitive for a time and then completely random for a while. There are always slight, minute changes with those on repeat, but they are always an exciting adventure. Like a really good book you can’t put down or a film you just have to be the first to see.
I re-tell these dreams sometimes. I get strange looks … perhaps they are questioning my sanity … No need to question this, as one thing I’m positive of is that I am quite mad! (But all the best ones are…) And I actually enjoy these dreams! They’re usually apocalyptic and can involve anything and everything, from flesh eating zombies (Walking Dead stylee) to escaping a crazy, messed up world in flying blimps with metal walkways that you have to be careful not to miss your step or fall to certain death … in slow motion … splatted on the pavement far below.
Ok. So the situation isn’t quite so dyer. We can go out for essentials. We can shop for food so we can eat. As long as we stick with the ‘social distancing’ rules, all will work out …. but it’s still a pretty unsettling time for all.
What’s different in real life?
Well, for one thing, it is REAL! In my post-apocalyptic dreams, I’m so focused on saving the world and all that are in it, I’m so busy making plans and in the midst of all the action, my self talk is non-existent.
In real life though, it is there. Full force.
I took on a project last week that kept me quite busy. A business partner and I devised a cookbook to help when regular food items may be less available than usual. We were able to provide recipes from all over the world which fit well with our travel clients and is also a bit of fun for everyone whilst stuck at home. ( You can get your free copy here).
And so, I was so focused on working, helping my business partner and producing something of value to the world, that my internal voice was completely subdued. It was a quiet whisper and although I was seeing things unfold, in the news, on Facebook, I had my priorities elsewhere.
My youngest child was born with sepsis in 2018 and my second youngest had pneumonia not long ago. As my older two were both in high school and there were rumours older kids could carry the virus, I decided to take them all out of school a week before the government did.
They were safe. My anxiety demon banshee assured me, as she did a few years ago, the kids are fine as long as they’re with me. ‘Don’t allow them to go anywhere’ she cackled … (I couldn’t anyway …) ‘and keep them close’. So I carried on, put that demon banshee to the back of my mind, got on with the task in hand and designed our book.
It was such good fun! I had a constant influx of excellent recipes from my business partner Michele and I was able to produce them in a way that would appeal to all. We both thoroughly enjoyed it.
I also completed an amazing course with ‘I Am The Queen Bee’ about being confident in your own skin. More about this some time later.
But then my focus needed to turn elsewhere. As a #MIBA co-ordinator, I consider work related to this as my ‘everyday’ job. So I had already been doing what I needed to. With travel too, I have a clear daily method of operation that covers all aspects of this too.
But as big projects go, that was it for the time being. And I had more time to think. To read all the ‘stuff’ on social media. And it floored me.
For two and a bit days I binge watched movies with the kids. We did absolutely nothing too strenuous brain-wise. I just couldn’t. Like being buried alive, piles and piles of news, falsehoods, opinions, fake distractions and real life stories of heartbreak fell on top of me. It comes from all angles sometimes, don’t you think?
Videos on the news of the nurses and doctors struggling, people dying, other countries in lock down, social media showing roads being sprayed with whatever the hell substance it is to get rid of germs, people scared, people panicked.
I also saw stories of rainbows in windows, Christmas lights in gardens, neighbours looking out for one another, the whole country clapping those that keep our amazing country going. And it touched me. My emotions were up, down, hysterical, calm and everything in between.
And I realised this was ok. We all deal with this hell in our own ways. As long as we have hope to look to, positivity to remind us there is good in the world and inspiration to help us achieve that good. We’re ok.
Now, do you remember I talked about my crazy dreams? Well guess what? I had other dreams too ….. I once dreamed about becoming a mum …. a published author ….. a business owner …. to travel the world.
We can choose what we bring into reality on some level. It is a process that can be learned. Not enough of us realise this.
My apocalypse dreams were down to the books I read. I love a good Stephen King myself (I wouldn’t recommend my favourite of all time just now – The Stand…). I was influenced by my version of escapism and my mental health at the time also probably played a big part.
What is happening now, we can’t escape. We have to deal with it. It might be hard, but we can manage. We can and will cope with whatever is thrown at us with all this. We are much stronger than we ever give ourselves credit for.
Much love. Stay safe.