How Far Have You Come?

Reading an excerpt at a book launch from my first ever published piece in
‘The Pregnancy Diaries’

That pic. Wow. I don’t share it to show off. I don’t share it to say ‘this is what I’ve done – ner ner ner ner ner ner’ like a child in the playground.

I share it because just a few short years ago I could never have dreamed of doing anything like this. If you’d told me then what I’d be doing now, I would never have believed you.

So I share this in the hope it inspires. To let you know you can do this too. With the right tools and nurturing environment, WE can do ANYTHING.

You see, when I was young I was painfully shy. I was often used as the ‘scapegoat’ for frustrations of others as it would take a lot for me to react. Even then I was a ‘live and let live’ kinda gal, although sometimes it was at the expense of my ever deflating confidence.

Uni happened – cue homesickness, drinking too much, making stupidly ridiculous decisions. But I made it through. Again I was the quiet one. Very selective with choosing my circle and even more so handing out my trust. An easy target for the ‘clique’s’. I made it through, barely.

Then I started full time work. I mean, I was properly growing up now. Went into management and everything! Learnt my trade in the world of adult and young person’s mental health and supported living. I loved it and apart from what I’m doing now, it always was the best job I ever did.

Then I met someone who destroyed me. For a little while.

Then I picked myself up and moved on. Working in local government, corporate organisations, husband, kids, marriage. Then we fast forward to around four and a bit years ago when I started truly believing in myself. When I began getting invited to produce projects that I’d only ever dreamed of before and started working from home full time – another dream ticked off the list.

Whilst spending this time in lockdown I’m reflecting. A lot! And my self destructive patterns of behaviour – for the most part – have continued from being young, way into my adult years. I’m 42 in a couple of weeks and still feel the old insecurities creep in.

Only now I’ve learned. It’s me that can control that. It has always been me. There is not any one person in the world that has power over me. I control my emotions and I control how I react to things.

So I’ll keep doing what I do. Helping others every day, working hard for my amazing family and getting us through this challenging time. Inspiring others to realise they can do this too and providing the tools and nurturing space to allow it to happen.

Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle.

Stay safe.

P x

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