Law of Attraction Explained – part 2

Watch your language!

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So, you’re familiar with what the law of attraction does. You understand the principle that ‘thoughts become things’. When you put a request out there for something in your life to improve or change … nothing is happening!

Been there, done that and I know exactly how frustrating it feels. It’s not quite as simple as it sounds for our thoughts and desires to manifest. We must consider a few different things when we put this law into practice:

  1. Are you actually aligned with your wish?
  2. Do you truly want what it is you’re asking for?
  3. Have you asked in the right way?

Let’s explore each of these in turn.

1. Are you aligned with what you’re wishing for?

Picture this. You’ve stayed at an amazing place on a recent holiday and dream of moving there to live. You visualise the house – that one on the hill with the smoking chimney pot, it has beautiful flowers in the garden and honey bees buzzing around the place. A real chocolate box cottage and the kind of place you’ve dreamed of living since childhood. You’ve even planned out what you’d do everyday whilst you’re living your dream life. HOWEVER. You have a high pressured job located just around the corner from where you’re currently living and just know there isn’t anyone else that could possibly do this job as well as you. The kids have a great school that they love, maybe they wouldn’t like to go somewhere else? Where you live at the moment, the shops and day to day amenities are on the doorstep – would you manage being away from these things?

You’ve kept these doubts strictly secret. You haven’t expressed them to anyone because you know you want this and won’t allow anyone to talk you out of it! You’re talking about that beautiful little cottage on the hill to everyone that will listen. You NEED it. It would be a dream come true.

Regardless of whether you voice those fears or just think them, they are not aligned with the end goal. You are not thinking in complete harmony with what you outwardly express. You will never receive what you’re asking for when your thoughts and actions are so far from each other.

2. Do you TRULY want this?

At some point in our lives, we all have a moment where we wish we had more. Be it more freedom to do what we want, more money, more quality time with the kids, a bigger house, better car, more luxurious holiday. A lot of these things are distant ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ and if we were completely honest with ourselves we’re not really bothered if we receive them or not.

You must be crystal clear about what it is you want to manifest. This can take some time and exploration to figure out. Ask yourself why you want this thing. If you don’t get it will it really be disastrous for you? What will life be like with it? What will life be like without it? Make lists and really dig deep on this one. When you’ve checked out all of these options and honed in on exactly what it is you want, it is absolutely crucial to let go of the ‘how’. Your job in this process is not to question or to understand how this may come about. It is your job to trust that it will.

3. Have you asked in the right way?

Asking the universe for something, on the surface, seems pretty simple. After all, we’re speaking to an invisible entity and putting our total trust in something that we can’t see. Speaking a few words that go up and out into the stratosphere really isn’t too hard … is it?

I think the points highlighted above make it quite clear it’s not as simple as it seems lol. We must be aligned with what we want and we must be completely clear about it too. Something else that is sometimes overlooked is the fact that when we ask or manifest something, we must have real gratitude for it as if it is ALREADY part of our lives. This can be a hard concept to fully understand, so please bare with me!

When we say we ‘need’ something, we are coming from a place of lack. To be ‘needy’ and demanding is negative and lowers our spiritual vibration. The lower that vibration is, the less likely we are to receive the good we are so eagerly waiting for. We live as energetic beings in a world that has many different vibrational frequencies. Think of the opera singer who’s high note matches the resonant frequency of a wine glass causing it to shatter. Everything in the world and beyond has it’s own frequency and although some may say less dramatic than a glass exploding into tiny shards, when we are in complete vibrational harmony with our wants and desires, we are more likely to receive them. Expressing that you are ‘so happy and grateful now I live in the chocolate box house on the hill’, really feeling the excitement, the peace and the gratitude for your dream now being true will get you much further than the ‘need’ for it.

Take some action!

So often I see the law of attraction explained in a similar way to how I have with little emphasis on the action you should take to get your dreams in motion. It’s all well and good setting an intention to manifest something and letting go of how it will come about, but if you then forget about that intention and continue doing the things day to day that aren’t moving you in the direction of what you are wanting to manifest, then it is unlikely to happen. Or if it does, it can take much longer.

The last 12 months during this global pandemic, millions of people have had to change the way they usually do things. Working from home may have been a dream come true for many, but the reality may not have stacked up to quite what they thought. Others have flourished and others still have had to ‘think outside the box’ just to make ends meet.

More and more people have become problem solvers. Looking for solutions instead of continuously hitting their head in the brick wall they may otherwise choose to face. The law of attraction LOVES this kind of thing. It helps build momentum for you to reach that end goal more quickly.

When you consciously take steps to move in the direction you are also intending to manifest, things start to happen. Take the example above with the cottage on the hill. What if you befriended people in the local area on social media and told them how much you loved the place? What if you spoke with some of the estate agencies in the area to see what properties are available? What about visiting again and getting more even more of a feel for the place?

If you don’t necessarily have the finances at the time of requesting this, what can you do to manifest more money? Are there any additional jobs you can take on or hobbies you can turn into a business idea? All connections and well intended communication can lead to all sorts of opportunities you may not have first thought of.

The law of attraction is real. It works. It just takes a little practice. And it doesn’t always give you things in the way you expect! Last month I chose to manifest an extra £500 for something. I received a refund for a long forgotten incorrect payment that I had made of £190, £250 worth of unexpected sales in a business I don’t heavily promote, £60 from a loan I had made to a friend that I had forgotten about and some discount vouchers for my shopping totalling £34.

At the time of receiving each of these I hadn’t even thought of what I had intended to manifest just a few weeks previously. I just put the money away to save and check at the end of the month. I had manifested over £500 as I first intended. I hadn’t figured out how this would come about. I’d let go of the outcome and put my total trust that it would happen. And it did.

Love and light

Paula x

But you don’t look ill?

Just before Christmas I had an ambulance called for me. My face had fallen on one side, I couldn’t speak properly and when I called the non-emergency line (111 in the UK), they sent an ambulance straight away. Suspected stroke. I’m 42 years old.

The paramedics did all the usual assessments and could rule out a stroke – I was so so grateful! They didn’t feel I needed to go to the hospital – well to be honest, I refused. With so much strain on the NHS, I couldn’t live with myself taking up precious services for something minor …

I spoke with my doctor who prescribed antibiotics for a suspected infection in my facial tissue – I had significant swelling and partial paralysis. The drop in my features was put down to possible Bells Palsy and I was prescribed a course of steroids too.

Symptoms eased over the next few days. The paralysis passed and my face returned to normal. But it terrified me! I was in constant contact with my doctor over this time, he suggested with my mental health struggles it could also have been brought on by stress.

This is the thing. Mental health wise I thought I was fine. I felt ok, happy, positive. There were a few home stresses I was dealing with, but dealing with them I was and I thought I had a handle on everything. I had a hard time over Christmas every year after losing my mum, so a little stress, melancholy and sadness were nothing new to me over this time frame.

Let’s add to the mix though a few extra ingredients. The unknown of a global pandemic for example. The fact we were meant to be going away for Christmas this year – something we had planned for a very long time – and then couldn’t go. Add a touch of anxiety, breathlessness and palpitations each time I go to the supermarket for the family shop. Then sprinkle a little festive PTSD panic (which started in 2015) following the birth of my third child. And finally, pour over the hidden pressures of making everything ‘perfect’ on the big day itself.

It. All. Adds. Up. And is a recipe for, well, you get the picture.

I let myself get to a point where the emotional stress of the situation had no choice but to present itself physically. I wasn’t even aware I was bottling things up! Those with years of experience of these struggles can ‘go through the motions’ for months, even years and we often become experts in our field at showing a ‘united’ front to the world.

When you have a physical ailment a blood test can tell you lots about what you might be deficient in. When it is psychological, I’m yet to come across one that tells us just how damaging our hyper-critical self talk can be to our esteem, or can mark on a chart our exact feelings of helplessness.

As with any hidden illness, I didn’t ‘look’ ill. Until I did. It was a wake up call, without a doubt.

I hadn’t been taking care of me. I was used to being busy and pre-occupied – it’s kind of my thing, but it wasn’t necessarily healthy. I often met with friends and had a half decent social life outside the pandemic. Things were different now.

Some of my depression symptoms presented as a ‘numbness’ or a lack of any emotions at all. In retrospect that’s what it was like living through a pandemic for me – just coasting along, not feeling much of anything.

It’s so important to feel though. Sadness, euphoria, excitement, disappointment, happiness, anger. All of it. Good and bad. If we don’t feel it, we can’t compare it to anything. We can’t make decisions as effectively, it’s harder to rationalise situations and comments you might receive. It becomes more difficult to consider the future or even start to imagine change.

Our emotions have evolved over thousands of years. Teaching us ways to survive and enabling us to make plans to prolong that survival. Think of it this way. If you were to encounter a hungry tiger for the first time, it’s likely you’d feel some kind of fear. If we are fearful we might well run away lol! As our thoughts and emotions evolved, we became more conscious of our past and future selves. We figured out what we might need to survive for even longer. We were able to reason about our future, resulting in us learning to set traps for our predators, rather than just running from them all the time!

So how do you ‘feel’ in a healthy way?

Mindfulness is one of the most effective ways of taking your feelings back. We are living hectic, stressful lives. Just stopping for five or ten minutes when you’re overwhelmed in emotion and using this strategy can help greatly:

  1. Identify how emotions are affecting you physically. Do you have shortness of breath? A tight chest? Tension in your neck or shoulders? A pounding heart? Acknowledge it.
  2. Label it. Instead of saying ‘I am angry / sad / stressed’, try saying ‘This is anger / sadness / stress’. Recognising it for what it is gives that emotion a little less power and is a little less intense.
  3. Accept it. If a friend were to describe the feelings you were experiencing, how would you comfort them? Say those things to yourself. We’re often so much harsher to ourselves, be as accepting and understanding as you would be to your BFF.
  4. Recognise this emotion will pass. Our emotional state changes, what we are feeling passes. Observe your emotions with patience, it is not a permanent state.
  5. Explore it. When the feeling starts to pass, delve deep and see if you can discover what happened to trigger this emotion. What was said or done? What were your expectations of the outcome? How far off were those expectations? Is there a pattern? Is there anything that could change?
  6. Let it go. A toughie but a biggy! Most of us want to be in control, especially of how we’re feeling. If we become more open to these feelings and start to learn self insight, it helps us manage similar situations we come across in the future. We are less likely to be triggered to act in the same way as before.

If you have other techniques you use that have worked well, especially over the past year or so, I’d love to hear more about them. I run the Facebook group Paula Middleton’s Mental Health Hub and I’m always open to hear others stories and experiences so please get in touch.

Love and light

Paula

Are you giving too many f**ks?

This book is awesome. I’ve read it a few times and it resonates so strongly.

You see, I’m a recovering ‘people pleaser’. One of those that can’t do enough for others. Whilst running around like a crazy person for everyone else neglecting my own self care and making sure all is well with others, like slow burning touch paper, over a period of time I have been known to ‘suddenly’ blow my top over ‘nothing’. Totally symptomatic of self induced burn-out. And when I realised those I did the stuff for are not up for reciprocating the favour if ever needed, it just adds the badly scorched cherry on top of the cake.

Being a people pleaser is exhausting. Sometimes you don’t know you’re doing it. Sometimes you know you are, they know you are, but you simply can’t help yourself.

Like most people, I always had a strong desire to be liked. Since childhood I would do what I thought was expected, didn’t rock the boat (too much!), had lots of different groups of friends and would make myself invaluable to each one. I thought that was the best way to be accepted. Be one of the tribe. To be liked.

To be fair it worked! I remain close friends with many from ‘back in the day’ and a lot of those friendship groups have continued to be close in one way or another. Not everyone gets through the minefield of childhood and teenage friendships unscathed.

And I didn’t either!

I went on into adulthood and gave too many f**ks. I cared waaaaaay too much about:

  1. Other people’s opinions of me.
    • Something which was none of my business! Oh, and by the way, I hate to burst your bubble but they don’t really care enough to have you on their mind as often as you might think. When people are living their lives and in the moment, you may be a fleeting thought. But if you’re giving too many f**ks like I used to, I’d like to reassure you that you are most definitely not first and foremost in their minds eye. Let it go.
  2. Whether I was likeable, liked or even considered.
    • The only thing we can ever be is ourselves. If you’re not being you, plenty of people out there will see right through you. I couldn’t stand to be around people like that, they drove me crazy. If I think hard on this, some of the reasons I felt this way was because I was jealous! I was never skilled enough to be fake and comfortable with myself when doing so. I did try occasionally back then, but my face always said more than my fake ever could haha!
  3. If I had said the right thing or not.
    • This one makes me sad. It used to keep me up at night, going over conversations with a fine tooth comb and analysing every part of a conversation. The thing is, it also stopped me from saying a lot of things in the moment too. I was always known as the ‘quiet’ one. This changed when I got to know you. Then you’d get the funny, sarcastic and dry ‘one-liner’ me! But you wouldn’t know that unless I totally trusted you. I gave too many f**ks about your opinion of me. Knowing what I know now if you’re being your authentic self, what you say can never be wrong. It can be misconstrued by others – but cleared up too. You may not be able to verbalise something in quite the way you want to, but if it’s genuine and from the heart then how can it be wrong? Let this one go too!
  4. If I would ever find a tribe that totally ‘gets’ me.
    • At 17 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I had counselling and one of the things that came up (which I have never shared before) is the fact I never felt good enough for my friendship group. They were all skinny, beautiful and cool, knowing what to say in every single situation. I couldn’t have felt more further from these things lol. My counsellor explained to me that as social beings, us humans tend to seek out and spend most time with those that are like ourselves. People with similar interests, principles and standards of behaviour were more likely to be together than not. If these things are not aligned, it’s uncomfortable and we actively avoid discomfort if we can.

‘In other words,’ she said, ‘your friends consider you are just as good as them. They are not thinking of the friendship in the way you are. You are valued because you are you and you are just as good as they are.’

  1. I felt a huge responsibility for other people’s feelings.
    • Whether I had negatively impacted them or not. Even if it was someone else and had nothing to do with me. I mean, how messed up is this one? How could I ever save everyone from pain or hurt? It was completely beyond my control. The only responsibility I had was how my own behaviour were to influence others and as you can imagine, I was always extra careful of that lol! I have since discovered I am an empath (a story for another time) and can feel over sensitive when it comes to others emotions. It is something I have to regularly keep check on and yes, I wanna change the world for the better – I just had to learn I couldn’t ever do this on someone else’s behalf, smh. I decided some time ago I’ll just do my little part in the world and I will be more than happy with that!

I’m now around five years ‘clean’ of this burden thanks to books like the one above. But every now and then I find myself slipping back into that doubt and my mind can trigger the age old question ‘Do I need to care more about that?’

A crucial part of this book that gets me back into my ‘vibe’ is the introduction of ‘f**k bucks’. A currency for how many f**ks you are going to give at any particular time. If I’m going to care so much, then I need to prioritise what to care too much about. I’ll spend my f**k bucks on the things that matter, not the things that don’t. It’s refreshing. And I’ll tell you something else. It feels pretty damn good too. Don’t give too many f**ks. They cost you. Hugely. Decide on a budget and stick to it.

Love and Light

Paula

Law of Attraction Explained – part 1

Unless you’ve been under a rock over the last few years, you’ve more than likely heard of the ‘law of attraction’. The term was first coined in the late 1800’s, but grew in notoriety in the early 2000’s following Rhonda Byrne’s film ‘The Secret’ (you can watch it here).

In a nutshell, the law of attraction states that we attract what we believe, think and feel. Anything we want to create or ‘manifest’ we can think or speak about and, at some point, it will come to fruition. Like a wish from a dandelion clock, your desires and wants float off into the universe and return back to you granted. Whether we intend it or not, whether it is in the precise way we planned or not, our thoughts become things.

Have you ever been late for something and experienced more delays? All the traffic lights being red, or the bus making more stops than usual? In your head you’re saying ‘I’m going to be late! I’m going to be late!’, think the white rabbit in Alice in wonderland stylee. Well guess what? You were late!

How about when you’ve been thinking of someone and you suddenly run into them, receive a message or a call? What about a song going round and round in your head and it suddenly plays on the radio shortly after?

Many put this down to coincidence. I did too. For a while ….

As a child, I would secretly cross my fingers in the hope that I would get the things I really wanted. I’d do this for the most random of things! Little things that others wouldn’t think twice about. Like being chosen to stand in front of the class to read something, or being asked to explain something we were studying in front of others. I was, and remain, an introvert. (Not to be confused with lacking in confidence …. I’ve worked hard on this over the years and have that in abundance. But I’m still very happy to let others take centre stage rather than me lol.)

At this time, when I was young, it was due to a lack of self belief and unbelievably painful shyness. I never wanted ANY attention directed my way. So I would tightly cross my fingers under the desk and say to myself ‘you won’t pick me, you won’t pick me’.

Guess what? Nine out of ten times it worked!

Now, I’m not saying this was a good thing. It reinforced some behaviours that were, well in retrospect, not helpful at all. But without even knowing it, I was manifesting my wishes. Blowing every seed from my dandelion clock so they were floating up and away on the breeze. Making things happen.

For those cynics reading this, it’s ok if you think this is all kinds of crazy. I really don’t mind. And for those that have tried to use the law of attraction without success, I get why you would now be questioning it’s accuracy.

But hear me out.

From childhood we are conditioned. We learn that certain beliefs, actions and behaviours are acceptable and others are not. We don’t believe in ‘magic’ (unless you’ve got supercool parents who are just a li’l’ bit woowoo – lucky you btw!) and we’re taught to follow a very simple programme:

  • Go to school.
  • Work hard so you get qualifications. Don’t do anything too ‘different’ from what is expected.
  • Get a job.
  • Work your way up to better jobs, more money and more responsibility.
  • Get married and have children.
  • Carry on working hard and get an even BETTER job.
  • Retire and enjoy the fruits of your labour.

Sounds like a great plan! I followed it to the letter for the best part of 30 years.

Then I came across The Secret and wow, my mind was blown. I read the book countless times, watched the film over and over, listened to the audio every moment I couldn’t read or watch it. And yet…..

…. NOTHING changed! Not a single thing.

I couldn’t understand why. I was completely baffled.

Then I realised – of course! When we are taught something new and it goes against what has been ingrained in us for such a long time, our brain starts screaming:

‘Houston, we have a problem ….!’

It’s called ‘cognitive dissonance’ and it’s when your actions, beliefs and what you ‘know’ as ‘fact’ do not align with what you are actually doing.

Externally you might be doing the stuff, following the universal law, but internally your programming has already kicked in. Your subconscious retains more information than you’ll ever knowingly forget and is now in the boxing ring with your conscious wishes.

It’s for your own protection! Fight or flight! Completely misguided, but years of conditioning doesn’t disappear overnight.

You need to tell Tyler Durdun to ‘do one’ and take his fight club elsewhere. You must trust in something you can’t physically see. You must let go of what you’ve known for a lifetime and reprogram your own brain.

It’s not easy, but it is possible.

In 2015 I left the corporate world and started my own business. 12 months after I had originally planned (I was still learning how all this stuff works, so give me a break!) but I made it happen. I’ve manifested money when my bank account has been in the red; a car when the one I had was held together with rust; things for my kids I was unsure I could source; unknowingly befriending an expert in a specialist field I wanted to learn more from; all sorts.

I also manifested things I certainly did not want. But that’s a story for another time lol.

If you watch the movie and decide to try this, be aware of four hugely important things:

  1. Steer clear of ‘lack’ or ‘limiting’ language. Like attracts like, whether positive or not. So instead of saying ‘I need … xyz’ use phrases set in the present tense as if you already have it in abundance. Eg ‘I’m so happy and grateful now that …xyz’. (More about this in future posts).
  2. You have to be SUPER clear about what it is you want. Feel it, smell it, visualise every single aspect. The universe delivers, but it doesn’t interpret what it ‘thinks’ you might want …. I found that out the hard way lol.
  3. It’s none of your beeswax how this may come about. It’s not your job to know how or even when. It’s your job to trust that it will.
  4. Take some action. The universe can place you on the right path, but it won’t put the words in your mouth that you need to ask or speak them for you if you’re sitting back doing nothing. If you’ve read this far, is that really you anyway?!

I’d love to hear about your successes (or failures!) whilst getting into this awesome habit so feel free to share in the comments. Thanks for reading.

Love and light,

Paula

Quick look back on one hell of a year!

Ending 2020 on a high with an #attitudeofgratitude. I’m beyond blessed with:

  • My business. 5 glorious weeks away with the kids this year resulting in a £5.6k saving and more importantly, priceless and precious memories with my clan (even through a global pandemic!). A goal for 2021 is to help at least 1,000 families to have access to these kind of benefits so they can enjoy growing family bonds and being present. Especially after this year. Our products are definitely ‘essential’ shopping that’s for sure!
  • Business partners and mentors. Co-hosting the second UK national event for our company was an honour and a privilege. Being a guest countless times on our live international corporate events, ‘fireside’ chats and sharing my story with our incredible Spanish speaking team was an absolute pleasure. Blessed beyond measure and looking forward to meeting you all face to face on our business trips next year! (Including Hawaii, Vegas and Mexico btw!)
  • The networking world. One highlight from many this year was taking part in #womanifest2020. It was simply … mind blowing. Hosting a two-day workshop with my business partner Mu about the Psychology of Travel, being featured on BBC Manchester radio and meeting some of the most inspirational women I’ve ever spoken with was a total game changer.
  • The NHS. For obvious reasons! But having had a blue lighted ambulance sent for yours truly over the Christmas period, it definitely brings it home how lucky we are here in the UK with our health service.
  • My tribe. You know who you are. You who ‘gets’ me better than I ‘get’ myself at times. That has the belief I lack when I’m having an ‘off’ day. That kick my butt when it’s needed and just generally keep me in check (well, as much as you can lol!). Thank you for your ever constant support, encouragement and angelic patience.
  • Our local community, schools and teachers. Having four kids of different ages in the education system, this is close to my heart. The response to this years events have somehow been different for each child, some better than others. But we’re in a strange world. We do what we can and I’m grateful my four have had enough support to get through this time relatively unscathed. Community is everything in times like this. Thanks to some amazing friends that do some amazing work, I’ll be returning to my roots and providing mental health support to many local to me in 2021. Watch this space!
  • My awesome clan. The reason I do what I do. The glue that holds me together when I’m feeling frayed, stressed and exhausted. My world, my why, my absolute everything.

There is so much more – how crazy and amazing life is with four kids, writing opportunities that have come my way (I’ll have another short story published in Jan plus another secret something up my sleeve later in the year lol), new friends, new possibilities. The list is truly endless.

Happy new year beautiful people. Stay positive. Stay true to you. Stay away from too much overwhelming mainstream media. Stay safe.

Love and light.

Paula

Christmas Cancelled?

I’ve wanted to cancel Christmas for the past 8 years.

There. I’ve said it.

Since my mum passed away, there has always been a sense of dread for me running up to this time of year. It was our fave season. We had fun, went shopping together, grabbed a festive coffee (or two), went overboard with presents, food and ‘just because’ gifts …… well, just because. Our ultimate goal was to have the ‘perfect’ Christmas.

‘Perfection’ is subjective. It’s different for every single one of us. For some it might be a good meal, or a call from family overseas. For others it’s a house full of chatter and extended family chaos. Breaking out the ’emergency’ chairs for unexpected guests to sit around a table brimming with food and drink.

For us it was always about the kids. The magic of Christmas was alive and well throughout my childhood and my mum and I made sure it was for my kids too.

I always thought some of that magic died with her.

Every year I’d exhaust myself, striving for that ever elusive ‘perfection’ and every year I’d be disappointed. I would put so much pressure on myself to get everything ‘right’. It took a while, but I realised it was me that had let the magic fade. I was too busy wishing away Christmas to see that everything was as ‘perfect’ as it was ever going to be. We had happy, content kids who were loved beyond measure and wanted for nothing. Plenty of food, festive fun and lots of laughter.

And now here we are. Christmas 2020. Yes it is different – the world over. No it will not be ‘perfect’ and not everyone you usually see will be there. This is probably the first year for a while I haven’t wanted to cancel it, despite the year we’ve had. Christmas for me is about love, kindness and family. We have had to adapt, but Christmas is definitely not cancelled and you’ll be surprised to know I’m glad!

This is the first year I have actually let things ‘be’. No stress, no pressure. However it pans out is how it was meant to be.

Something to remember:

You are enough.

You do enough.

You have enough.

You have nothing to prove to anyone.

Merry Christmas!

Love and light.

Paula